Should you text someone you have not talked to in a while? Across 13 preregistered studies, people underestimated how much a check-in was appreciated.
That "just checking in" text you keep putting off? The person on the other end will probably appreciate it more than you think.
That is the main finding of a paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, led by Peggy Liu at the University of Pittsburgh with SoYon Rim, Lauren Min and Kate Min. It was published online in July 2022 and in print in 2023. The team ran 13 preregistered studies (nine main studies and four supplemental ones) with more than 5,900 participants, the American Psychological Association said.
What they tested
People were put in one of two roles. "Initiators" reached out, or imagined reaching out, with a short note or a small gift. "Responders" were on the receiving end. Initiators guessed how much the contact would be appreciated, and responders said how much they actually appreciated it.
In one field experiment on a US college campus, students wrote a short note to "check in and say hello" to a classmate they had not talked to in a while, and the researchers delivered it. On a 7 point scale:
- Senders guessed their friend's appreciation at 5.57.
- The friends who got the note rated it 6.17.
A second campus test added a voucher for a bag of snacks. On a 5 point scale, senders guessed 4.25 and friends reported 4.72.
The more surprising, the bigger the gap
The authors think surprise is a big part of why. People who get an unexpected message focus on the pleasant surprise; senders do not think about it as much.
- People you are not close to: in a large online test where people imagined sending a small gift, initiators guessed 5.24 out of 7 and responders said 5.92.
- Close friends: 6.35 guessed versus 6.65 felt. Still underestimated, but by less.
- Expected messages: when the contact was part of a program where people knew a check-in was coming, the gap disappeared (3.93 versus 3.86 out of 5).
What the study can and can't tell you
- The effects are small to moderate. The paper's effect sizes for the main comparisons range from about 0.22 to 0.65 standard deviations.
- Most samples were American adults online or US college students.
- Knowing this did not change behaviour. In one supplemental study, telling people about the finding did not significantly increase how often they actually reached out during the session.
- It is about positive contacts with people you get along with, not reaching out after a falling out.
Still, in the authors' words, small gestures "are likely to be appreciated more than people predict."
Sources
- Peggy J. Liu, SoYon Rim, Lauren Min and Kate E. Min, "The surprise of reaching out: Appreciated more than we think," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2023 (doi 10.1037/pspi0000402). Abstract on PubMed; free author manuscript posted by the APA.
- American Psychological Association, Friends enjoy being reached out to more than we think, July 11, 2022.
